pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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