Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
