I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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