I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
