The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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