She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
