I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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