She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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