I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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