I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
