You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
