I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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