it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize