You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
