i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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