My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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