I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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