Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
