I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
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I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
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After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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