he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
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You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
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What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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