his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
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All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
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i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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