it was like eating out sand paper
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
