He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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