I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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