btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
