That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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