i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
