Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
