Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
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Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
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I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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