This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
