I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
