Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
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They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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