i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
