No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
