Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
