I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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