You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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