I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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