I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
