i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
