Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
