you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
