i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
