it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dicks are not precious.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
