You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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