and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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