Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
