Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You can't just leave with hair like that
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
