my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal