We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
