i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT