I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen