Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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