just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
