Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together