I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize