all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
