My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
