shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
