My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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