Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
