sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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