3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
