it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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