I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
