She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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