My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
