I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
