so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
