I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
