I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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