The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
