Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You're like the curious george of whores
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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